That person with whom you cohabitate? Think back to the love of your life. With the endless stress of daily responsibilities and getting the kids from one place to another, it can be tough to keep those same loving feelings that you felt when you said “I do.”
Although you can’t exactly go on a spontaneous trip or spend all day in bed like you did when you first got married, there are some exciting and fun things you can do.) ways to rekindle your relationship. With these 30 suggestions, set the goal of making your spouse fall in love with you again this month.
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Can You Fall Back in Love With Your Husband?
It’s not unusual for couples to enter counseling sessions with the feeling that their long-term relationship has reached a dead end, according to a relationship coach and marriage counselor.
New beginnings occur naturally after significant events. events like moving, starting a new job, and having a child. These are obvious times for a couple to realign and adjust.
Then again, what about the instances where nothing changes? for several weeks, months, or even years? When that happens, creating fresh starts for your relationship is crucial.
Just as it did in the early stages and during the first getting-to-know-you period, falling in love with your spouse again takes work. However, it is entirely feasible and frequently ushers in a new chapter in your life as a couple, one that is closer, happier, and healthier.
15 Tips Help You to Fall Back in Love With Your Husband
Be a Mystery.
Sure, knowing everything about each other is comfortable, but it’s no recipe for romance, says psychologist Harriet Lerner, author of “A Guide for Married and Coupled People Called Marriage Rules.”
Stop Calling Your Spouse “hey.”
As in, “Hello, could you come get the kids after work?” or “Have you called the accountant yet?” One of the easiest ways to rekindle your romance is to act like you did way back when you were dating, says Michele Weiner-Davis, author of “Divorce Busting.” Try a pet name that you used in the early years of your relationship, or the simply more affectionate “Hon’s” and “Babe’s” that you may not have uttered in years.
Make a Top 10 List.
Make a list of your favorite moments from your years spent together. Include both the major events, such as your wedding, and the more intimate ones, such as the song you played repeatedly on a camping trip one year. With the list, you can surprise your partner. You can email it, leave it on the bed, or read it together after dinner. You’ll receive a helpful reminder from the exercise of the primary factors that led you to choose each other.
Shake It Up.
Numerous studies have shown that adding some novelty to your everyday routine is one of the best ways to break out of a rut. Find a free weekend this month, skip the customary Saturday chores-and-errands dance, and organize an activity you both will enjoy doing. It might involve planning a weekend B&B getaway, or it might be as simple as spending an afternoon touring your hometown, perhaps by checking out the newest sushi restaurant in the neighborhood or going to a nearby historical site.
Practice Acceptance.
No, your partner doesn’t bring flowers home like the guy who dates your best friend. But your partner is likely showing you love in a million different ways, including by giving you a back rub after a long day, making pancakes on Saturday, and making up silly songs for your kids. Lerner says, “If you’re not attempting to change a cat into a dog, you have a better chance of falling in love with your husband once more.”
Give Your Partner a Squeeze.
Have you made contact with your spouse today? It’s time to get your act together if the only physical interaction you have with your spouse on a regular basis is a quick kiss on the cheek before heading out the door or going to bed. However, Kerner advises that you could just try hugging for 30 seconds instead of stepping up your game to crazy bedroom antics. Hugging has been shown to increase levels of oxytocin, a hormone that strengthens bonds between people, especially between women.
Take the One-a-day Challenge.
According to Lerner, the habit of criticism is harmful to all relationships, and no one can happily remain married if they constantly feel judged rather than admired. One criticism per day is all you should accept; it’s a good exercise to determine which one is most important. “Practice saying that criticism in three sentences or less,” Lerner says. “By continuing to do this, you’ll come to appreciate each other more and possibly rediscover the reasons you fell in love in the first place.”
Stop Giving Unsolicited Advice.
Okay, so maybe you do know the best, most effective way to do everything. However, according to Lerner, what matters most in a marriage is that both partners are committed to making the other happy. “If you have to leave the room while he struggles to cut a tomato for the salad or dress your wriggling toddler in a snowsuit, give him the room to learn through trial and error.” You have no obligation to correct your spouse.
Fake It ’till You Make It.
Yes, acting sweet and loving might sound as appealing as a jury duty summons after a long day of juggling children and hurtling work obstacles, but your relationship suffers if you let yourself off the hook every night. According to Lerner, do not hold off on making your partner feel loved until you are truly moved by the spirit. “In the same way that we can act bravely in the face of fear, we can also act lovingly and choose to see the good in any situation…well, not quite that way,” she says. Act as if you are deeply in love today by giving hugs, kisses, making casual phone calls, and sending romantic texts. You might be shocked by how your partner’s response makes you feel differently.
Schedule Weekly Date Nights.
At least once a week, couples who spend uninterrupted time together have better communication, greater sexual satisfaction, and stronger feelings of commitment than couples who don’t. This finding comes from researchers at the University of Virginia. Take out your calendars and, just like you would with other appointments, mark weekly couple time for the upcoming month.
Stop Talking About the Kids.
They truly do bring light into your lives. Of course, you hardly have any memory of life before them. However, the best thing you can do for them is to strengthen your marriage, and the best way to do that is to spend regular time just concentrating on one another. To make things simpler, establish some ground rules. For example, perhaps you shouldn’t talk about the kids on date nights or after they’ve gone to bed during the week. Your entire family will be better off if you take some “just the two of us” time to talk about the grownup stuff.
Do Something Active.
Working toward a shared objective fosters a sense of community, and engaging in physical activity gives you both the chance to support and encourage one another, whether you’re preparing for a half-marathon together or committing to each losing ten pounds. In addition, Weiner-Davis says you’ll be trying something new as a couple, which is a great way to strengthen your bond. Try a walk after dinner three times this week, spend a Sunday afternoon hiking in a nearby park, or look into active getaways you might consider.
Be Realistic About Relationship Highs and Lows.
Stop worrying that “the feeling is gone” and remember that even the best marriages get stuck sometimes, and if you’re focused on what’s wrong instead of bringing your best self to your marriage, that’s a good recipe for failure. Lose the “woe is me” and make a list of the things you can do to make yourself happier right now — and do some of them! “The best way to love your partner is to work on yourself,” Lerner says.
Check In.
Yes, you might talk to your spouse 100 times a day, but if you’re like most couples, those chats often become more logistical than loving: “Who will pick up milk on their way home?”, “How will you spend the weekend with your in-laws?”. You’ll be reminded that you’re partners in love, not just in the business of running a home, if you make time to check in every day and actually talk to one another. Here’s how to do it: Set an alarm on your phone for a specific time in the evening, and when it goes off, stop whatever you’re doing—folding laundry, responding to emails, watching TV—and sit down to chat for ten minutes. The best way to begin? A simple “How are you?”
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.
The old adage is a classic for a reason, quite literally. You have a chance to think about your relationship while apart, you break out of your routine, and, most obviously (and possibly most importantly!), gives you an opportunity to miss each other! Call your friends and make plans for the girls’ weekend you and your friends keep discussing, pay a visit to your mother, or give yourself the gift of some solitude. You will reconnect much more effectively after a brief period of separation.
Conclusion
Use this as a chance to start fresh in your relationship. There are new things to learn whether you have been married for decades or just started dating. What you already have will be strengthened by doing this, and your love will only continue to blossom.
